©Wendell Griffen, 2012
President Obama's recent personal statement supporting marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples has made national headlines. Marriage equality is a controversial issue. So nobody should be surprised that the statement is controversial for many people.
At the same time, nobody should be surprised that President Obama arrived at the conclusion he reached. He publicly admitted months ago that his views on marriage equality were "evolving." Even then Mr. Obama expressed support for civil unions for same-sex couples.
The president's support for marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples came weeks after hundreds of Baptists gathered in Atlanta April 19-21 for what was called "A [Baptist] Conference on Sexuality and Covenant." The Conference was sponsored by the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship Resource Center and the Center for Theology and Public Life at Mercer University.
I was a plenary speaker at the Conference on Sexuality and Covenant and spoke about how our congregation moved "from fear to joy" concerning sexuality. New Millennium Church is a three-year old congregation. Most of our congregants are in our middle or senior years, black, and life-long Baptists. We are all heterosexual people who are or have been married.
And before the fall of 2010, none of us had been in a congregation or attended a church conference where human sexuality was taught. Why?
I think it's because religious people have avoided serious thinking, honest conversation, and open-minded dialogue about human sexuality. We have a phobia about it.
We're afraid to admit we're afraid of sexuality. We're so afraid of sexuality that parents don't want to talk with their children about it and don't want them to learn about it from teachers in high school.
Sexuality has been excluded from the subjects that seminary faculty analyze with students who are undergoing professional education for ministry. In the few seminaries that include human sexuality in the curricula the courses are electives, not required.
No one should be surprised that people in our families and congregations aren't comfortable dealing with sexuality. How can people live with grace and truth concerning such an integral part of our humanity when we're driven by fear?
But our discomfort and phobia has done great harm to individuals, families, faith communities, and our effort to be agents of God's love and truth in the world. Our ignorance and aversion to honestly and humbly engage in what Rev. Dr. James Forbes (Senior Minister Emeritus of Riverside Church in New York) terms "the lifelong course in sex education" has produced hurtful results on countless lives. I witnessed it over the course of my ministry too many times to ignore it.
So when New Millennium Church was organized I prayed that we would be people inspired to honestly and humbly be "inclusive, welcoming, and progressive followers of Jesus Christ." We welcome all persons in God's love each Sunday morning because almost everyone in our congregation has experienced legalized segregation and religiously-sponsored discrimination based on race, gender, and sexuality.
That's why I led our congregation to prayerfully study and confront the religious phobia about human sexuality. For several months we studied what we had previously feared talking about in church. Our study was guided by the following principles.
· Every person's opinion counts.
· Respect each other.
· Be open-minded and non-judgmental.
· Have compassion.
· Maintain and protect confidentiality.
· Listen to each other respectfully.
· Disagree agreeably.
· Don't be afraid to grow/change.
Our study allowed us to follow the Holy Spirit (rather than our fears). We listened to each other, pondered reading assignments, studied principles of Biblical interpretation, and prayed for each other. We had honest conversations about sexuality and faith for the first time. We came to know a gay Christian couple whose committed relationship to each other has lasted forty years (longer than many marriages including my own). We learned about the discrimination they endure and overcome every day.
Our study allowed us to rethink what covenant means. Covenant is about commitment in relationships, not about social or religious ceremony. Marriage ceremonies didn't protect black slaves from being sold away from each other by white Christians. Covenant involves justice, not social privilege.
Religious people must confront our phobia about human sexuality and the painful effects of that fear. Before we take sides about marriage equality, we should be willing to at least talk honestly and humbly about sexuality. Pastors must be prophetic leaders of those conversations. The Holy Spirit has called us to be prophetic leaders. The people in our congregations deserve no less than that from us.
We live for God in every breath and heartbeat by the power of the Holy Spirit as followers of Jesus Christ, together.
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