HONEST AND HUMBLE TALK ABOUT SEXUALITY

©Wendell Griffen, 2012

            President Obama's recent personal statement supporting marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples has made national headlines.  Marriage equality is a controversial issue.  So nobody should be surprised that the statement is controversial for many people.

            At the same time, nobody should be surprised that President Obama arrived at the conclusion he reached.  He publicly admitted months ago that his views on marriage equality were "evolving."  Even then Mr. Obama expressed support for civil unions for same-sex couples.

            The president's support for marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples came weeks after hundreds of Baptists gathered in Atlanta April 19-21 for what was called "A [Baptist] Conference on Sexuality and Covenant."  The Conference was sponsored by the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship Resource Center and the Center for Theology and Public Life at Mercer University. 

            I was a plenary speaker at the Conference on Sexuality and Covenant and spoke about how our congregation moved "from fear to joy" concerning sexuality.  New Millennium Church is a three-year old congregation. Most of our congregants are in our middle or senior years, black, and life-long Baptists. We are all heterosexual people who are or have been married.

            And before the fall of 2010, none of us had been in a congregation or attended a church conference where human sexuality was taught.   Why?

            I think it's because religious people have avoided serious thinking, honest conversation, and open-minded dialogue about human sexuality.  We have a phobia about it. 

            We're afraid to admit we're afraid of sexuality. We're so afraid of sexuality that parents don't want to talk with their children about it and don't want them to learn about it from teachers in high school. 

            Sexuality has been excluded from the subjects that seminary faculty analyze with students who are undergoing professional education for ministry.  In the few seminaries that include human sexuality in the curricula the courses are electives, not required.

            No one should be surprised that people in our families and congregations aren't comfortable dealing with sexuality.  How can people live with grace and truth concerning such an integral part of our humanity when we're driven by fear?

            But our discomfort and phobia has done great harm to individuals, families, faith communities, and our effort to be agents of God's love and truth in the world.  Our ignorance and aversion to honestly and humbly engage in what Rev. Dr. James Forbes (Senior Minister Emeritus of Riverside Church in New York) terms "the lifelong course in sex education" has produced hurtful results on countless lives.  I witnessed it over the course of my ministry too many times to ignore it.

            So when New Millennium Church was organized I prayed that we would be people inspired to honestly and humbly be "inclusive, welcoming, and progressive followers of Jesus Christ."  We welcome all persons in God's love each Sunday morning because almost everyone in our congregation has experienced legalized segregation and religiously-sponsored discrimination based on race, gender, and sexuality. 

            That's why I led our congregation to prayerfully study and confront the religious phobia about human sexuality.  For several months we studied what we had previously feared talking about in church.  Our study was guided by the following principles.

·         Every person's opinion counts.

·         Respect each other.

·         Be open-minded and non-judgmental.

·         Have compassion.

·         Maintain and protect confidentiality.

·         Listen to each other respectfully.

·         Disagree agreeably.

·         Don't be afraid to grow/change.

            Our study allowed us to follow the Holy Spirit (rather than our fears).  We listened to each other, pondered reading assignments, studied principles of Biblical interpretation, and prayed for each other.  We had honest conversations about sexuality and faith for the first time.  We came to know a gay Christian couple whose committed relationship to each other has lasted forty years (longer than many marriages including my own). We learned about the discrimination they endure and overcome every day.

            Our study allowed us to rethink what covenant means.  Covenant is about commitment in relationships, not about social or religious ceremony.  Marriage ceremonies didn't protect black slaves from being sold away from each other by white Christians.  Covenant involves justice, not social privilege. 

            Religious people must confront our phobia about human sexuality and the painful effects of that fear.  Before we take sides about marriage equality, we should be willing to at least talk honestly and humbly about sexuality.  Pastors must be prophetic leaders of those conversations. The Holy Spirit has called us to be prophetic leaders. The people in our congregations deserve no less than that from us.

            We live for God in every breath and heartbeat by the power of the Holy Spirit as followers of Jesus Christ, together.

Ethics Memo to Governor Romney

©Wendell Griffen, 2012

            I have a suggestion to whoever is advising Governor Mitt Romney's presidential campaign these days.  Get an ethicist or pastoral counselor on board now.

            In recent days, candidate Romney has stumbled badly in responding to confirmed reports that he was ringleader in assaulting a schoolmate at the prestigious Cranbrook School he attended for high school. According to his schoolmates who also participated in the assault on a male student who dyed his hair a different color, Romney led the attack and wielded the scissors. 

            Romney doesn't deny that the incident happened but says he doesn't recall it.  He admits to pranks during his youth.  If he offended anyone by them he's sorry.  He's a wiser person now.

            Here's my assessment of Romney's response and its relationship to the wider question of his presidential candidacy.

            "I don't recall whether I led a physical assault on a vulnerable person" isn't credible.  This wasn't a pre-school misunderstanding. Romney was on the threshold of adulthood.  The conduct was intentional, violent, and abusive.  Romney's claim about not remembering he led a calculated assault on another person in his school community when he was practically grown doesn't pass the credibility test. 

            There's no "if" about whether the conduct happened or whether it was offensive.  Romney's personal response to questions from journalists about the incident is the kind of doublespeak the public has learned to expect from public figures trying to look contrite without genuine contrition.  The assault happened.  Romney's role in it has been confirmed by several other participants.  Instead of admitting what he did, apologizing for it, and showing he learned from his mistake Romney questions whether what he did may have offended someone.  That response is telling evidence of his lack of compassion at the very least.

            What happened then is relevant to the rest of Romney's career and his presidential candidacy.  Mitt Romney is a wealthy white man who has enjoyed social and other privileges of whiteness, maleness, wealth, and access to power.  The assault that Romney tries to trivialize by calling it a "prank" casts an early moral light on his use of power.

            The attack on his schoolmate shows that Romney was willing to wield his power against someone in his community who was vulnerable.  His leadership skills and influence were not employed to protect and defend his vulnerable schoolmate, but to abuse and victimize that person. 

            Because Romney claims to not remember the incident it could not have been a "teachable moment" in his moral formation.  His career in business and government has not been marked by actions on behalf of people who are vulnerable, less powerful, or otherwise unprivileged. 

            Ethically speaking, the high school assault can and should be placed in context with Romney's glib comment several months ago about not being concerned about the poor ("I'm not concerned about the very poor.")  It should be analyzed alongside his opposition to public policy aimed at making access to quality healthcare available to all persons in our society without regard to wealth, privilege, nationality, and other aspects of privilege.  

            How Mitt Romney mistreated a schoolmate in high school is very relevant when we ponder how his ideas on public policy will affect people who are poor, sick, weak, unpopular, and otherwise vulnerable.  As a privileged young man, Mitt Romney saw a vulnerable schoolmate and picked on him.  As a privileged adult, some of his public policies and business practices appear insensitive or oppressive toward vulnerable people.

            In the final analysis, Romney's conduct in high school, his career since then, and his presidential candidacy challenge us to decide if justice includes concern for people who are vulnerable or only those who are privileged and powerful.  Candidate Romney wants to become President Romney.  If a popular and privileged student would misuse his popularity and social advantage to prey upon a weak schoolmate, what would he do to protect and assist vulnerable people in our society if he becomes president?  What would he do as leader of a powerful and privileged nation to alleviate suffering, poverty, and injustice in the world?

            According to what Jesus said in the gospel of Matthew, when a young Mitt Romney saw and refused to protect and assist a vulnerable schoolmate and when Mitt Romney refused to protect and assist vulnerable workers and others in his business and public life, he mistreated God.  Judging from his response to questions about the Cranbrook incident, Romney and his advisors could benefit from pastoral counseling.

The Paradox of Prayer

At New Millennium we enjoy reading books about faith, ethics, and and discussing them.  We're currently reading The New Being by Paul Tillich, who is viewed as one of the leading moral thinkers of the 20th Century.  The New Being is a collection of meditations about various subjects and questions related to faith and living. 

In Tillich's meditation titled "The Paradox of Prayer," we've been reminded that words are not the essence of prayer.  Prayer transcends words.  At best, we extend God our trust.  To use the words of a revered hymn, we "stretch our hands" toward God for various reasons (to express our thanks, to offer praise for God's attributes, to confess our shortcomings, anxieties, fears, and pain, to petition God for help for ourselves and others, and to commit ourselves more to God). 

Whatever the reasons may be that prompt us to "stretch our hands" to God, let's admit that our words can't bridge the gap between us and God.  We aren't good, smart, or anything else enough.  We can stretch toward God, but we need help to reach God.  And we should admit that we aren't even smart, good, or anything else enough to know ourselves well.

Somehow, prayer involves more than us stretching.  Stretching is our participation in prayer.  Catching is God's work.  Tillich reminds us (using St. Paul's moving statement in Romans 8:26-27 about the Holy Spirit interceding for us) that prayer actually involves God interceding to God on our behalf.  God bridges the gap between our stretching effort and God.  God meets us, grabs us, and moves beyond our feeble stretching efforts.  Our duty is to stretch, trust, hope, believe, and count on God.

Prayer involves us counting on God with every breath and heartbeat.  God is present to catch our feeble efforts in prayer and bridge the gap between us and God.  That's good news.  Pass it on.

Grace and Peace to you from New Millennium Church.

The Call to Fruitful Faith

©Wendell Griffen, 2011

Matthew 13:23

²³But as for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.’

          Jesus declared in the Parable of the Sower that God's grace and truth are extravagantly sowed in all kinds of people.  However, divine grace and truth is fruitful only when planted, properly rooted, and adequately cultivated.  Jesus also said that people in whom divine grace and truth has been planted, properly rooted, adequately cultivated, and matured are people of love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness, patience, generosity, fairness, truth, and hope.  Today we will look at what Jesus taught about a three-year old barren fig tree and his teaching about abiding in the vine to gain more insights concerning fruitful faith. 

          The parable of the three-year-old barren fig tree found at Luke 13:6-9 exposes us to God's judgment on fruitless religion on one hand and God's grace concerning fruitless people on the other.  The owner of a barren fig tree that was planted in a vineyard complained about it.  This was no wild fig tree.  It had been planted in a vineyard.  It existed in good soil and had been attended by a gardener.  But it remained barren even after three years.  So the owner ordered, "Cut it down!  Why should it be wasting the soil?"

          Divine judgment is an unpleasant subject in religion, but it shouldn't be avoided for several reasons.  In the first place, God has expectations of us that we shouldn't dismiss.  Like the owner expected figs from a tree that had been planted in good soil and nurtured by attentive care, God expects love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness, patience, generosity, fairness, truth, and hope from people in whom divine grace and truth have been invested.  Dr. Gardner Taylor was right.  The divine agronomy has no room for fruitlessness and the divine economy has no room for uselessness. 

          At some point, God has the right to expect a divine product from people in whom grace and truth have been invested.  At some point, God deserves fruitful living.  At some point, God has a right to find love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness, patience, generosity, fairness, truth, and hope when people have "grown up in the church."  And it's disappointing to God when we don't produce it. 

          Jesus makes a point in the parable of the barren fig tree and in what he said about the vine and the branches that religious people must not overlook, ignore, or forget.  God judges!  In the parable of the barren fig tree the owner represents divine judgment on fruitless living by the words, "Cut it down!  Why should it be wasting the soil?"  At John 15:1-2, Jesus points to divine judgment in these words:  "I am the true vine, and my Father is the winegrower.  He removes every branch in me that bears no fruit."  God judges.

          God has the right to expect love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness, patience, generosity, fairness, truth, and hope from people who've been planted, rooted, cultivated, and groomed in religion.  And God has every right to be disappointed.

·        God is entitled to be disappointed when religious people put more value in war-making than in peace-making.

·        God is entitled to be disappointed when religious people complain about paying taxes so poor people can survive. 

·        God is entitled to be disappointed when religious people prefer discrimination over fairness.

·        God is entitled to be disappointed when religious people pollute God's world and make it unsafe to live.

·        God is entitled to be disappointed when religious people oppress weak, poor, disadvantaged, immigrants, elderly, and other vulnerable people.

·        God is entitled to be disappointed when religious people don't produce what God has every right to expect!

          And notice that Jesus, the best evidence we have of God's grace and truth, does not dilute the message about God's judgment on fruitless religion.  [My Father] removes every branch in me that bears no fruit.  We can be in God's glorious plans and purposes and be fruitless. 

          That's the tragic object lesson the Old Testament gives us concerning the religious tradition that began with Abraham.  That tradition had Abraham, Moses, and David.  The people of that tradition had great preachers like Samuel, Elijah, Amos, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, and Isaiah.  They had the Psalms.  Despite all that religious nurture, the people of that tradition disappointed God.

          We should not ignore the lessons about divine judgment from their experience.  God will not forever tolerate fruitlessness.  God will not always withhold judgment on it.  God will not accept religious gyrations as a substitute for the righteousness that only comes from love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness, patience, generosity, truth, fairness, and hope. 

God knows the difference between what we produce and what God deserves.

          Why don't we produce what God deserves?  Jesus explained it clearly in the lesson from John 15.  "Abide in me as I abide in you.  Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me.  Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing" [verses 4-5].  Whenever we substitute anything else for righteousness, we separate ourselves from the force that makes for fruitfulness.

·        When we put more stock on human tradition than divine truth, we can't bear divine fruit.

·        When we put more value in possession than people, we can't bear divine fruit.

·        When we exalt patriotism, nationalism, racism, sexism, ethnocentricism, chauvinism, homophobia, xenophobia, and our other pet ills over divine love, truth, and justice, we can't bear divine fruit.

·        When we confuse wealth with wellness, we won't bear divine fruit.

·        Whenever we live by anything other than God's love and truth, we won't bear fruit.

          The judgment for barren fig tree and fruitless branch religion is unmistakable.  God has no use for fruitless religion.  "Cut it down!  Why should it be wasting the soil?"  "[My Father] removes every branch in me that bears no fruit."  Fruitless religion is dead religion.  Fruitless religion is also doomed religion.

          But there's good news.  The barren fig tree has a Savior.  The gardener's reply is good news for barren fig tree people and religion.  "Sir, let it alone for one more year, until I dig around it and put manure on it.  If it bears fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it down."  [Luke 13:8-9]  Divine judgment on fruitless faith is joined by divine hopefulness that we will respond favorably to God's cultivating influences of grace. 

          At Calvary Jesus personified the gardener's plea for people of fruitless faith in a prayer.  Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.  [Luke 23:34]   His prayer is our proof of divine grace for fruitless faith.  His prayer is the reason people who are like barren fig trees and fruitless branches can hope.  There's hope for the barren fig tree. There's hope for the fruitless branch.

          But let's not fool ourselves.  God's grace is no excuse for the fig tree to brag about being fruitless.  Grace is no excuse for the fruitless branch to brag about being on the vine. 

·        Grace means God is giving us time to change.

·        Grace means God is allowing the Holy Spirit time to dig around us and fertilize us. 

·        Grace means God is keeping us in the garden for the time being, hoping, expecting, and waiting on us to present fruitful lives of love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness, patience, generosity, truth, fairness, and hope. 

          Grace means God is giving us time and resources to become fruitful.  It doesn't mean we have bragging rights about being fruitless.  Let us be wise stewards of God's grace so we can become fruitful for God's glory. 

          God of grace and truth, we often seem to be like barren fig trees and fruitless branches.  We have been nurtured in your love.  We have been planted and rooted in your truth.  We know your way of love and peace is right. 

          But we've often substituted our notions of religion for your demands for love, justice, and truth.  We often preach, sing, and pray about grace, while continuing in barren and unfruitful faith.  Our fruitlessness is our condemnation. 

          So work on us, Holy Spirit.  We desire to become fruitful for God.  Work on us!  Break us free from everything that makes us unfruitful.  Teach us to become people of love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness, patience, generosity, truth, fairness, and hope.  Help us live in obedience to the life and example of Jesus Christ so that we will be agents of grace and truth in a barren world.  Amen. 

Extravagant love and prophetic justice

Grace and Peace to You! 

Here's the meditation from New Millennium for today.  We hope it is helpful.

GOD'S HARVEST IN OUR LIVES

©Wendell Griffen, 2011

Matthew 13:23

²³But as for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.’

          Here's something you might want to try.  Ask people this question:  What are you best known for producing?  Don't do it in church or around a church function.  Pose the question over a soft drink, coffee, or in some other comfortable non-church and non-religious setting. 

          You may get some odd looks at first.  People may ask why you want to know.  Tell them you've been pondering that question about your own life and wondered what people you know and respect think about it.  What are you best known for producing?  How do you respond to that question for yourself?  How do others respond to it when you pose it to them?

          After a few minutes ask this question:  What kind of world does God want?  Pay close attention to the responses.  Remember them. 

          Now comes the fun part if you share my subversive perspective about living.  Now it's time for the big questions.  These are the ones that you've been setting up by the first two ("what are you best known for producing" and" what kind of world does God want").  Here they are: 

·         What am I producing that God wants? 

·         What are you producing that God wants? 

·         What are we producing that God wants (in this family, this workplace, school, social relationship, society, nation, world, etc.)? 

·         When are we producing it? 

·         How are we producing it? 

·         How much are we producing? 

·         How can we produce more?

·         Why don't we?

          These questions go to the heart of the Jesus teaching known as the Parable of the Sower at Matthew 23:13.  Jesus had already made some remarkable insights before that verse.  Let's review them.

·        God has extravagantly planted evidence of divine grace and truth in all kinds of people and situations.

·        Divine grace and truth, although planted, never take root in some people.  They never rise above pedestrian (entry level) morality.  An eye for an eye.  A tooth for a tooth.  I'll help you if I think you can help me.  You get the picture.

·        Divine grace and truth take root in some people, but not deeply enough.  They eagerly respond to God's grace and truth until they encounter the hardships associated with it.  Loving enemies is hard.  Forgiving wrongs suffered is hard.  Seeking the good of people who have mistreated us is hard.  Shallow faith doesn't sustain a person through the hardships that come with living according to divine grace and truth.  So shallow faith doesn't become mature faith.

·        Divine grace and truth take root in some people deeply enough to get them through hardships.  But desire for material comfort, affluence, and privilege acts like weeds to choke and strangle divine grace and truth in people even when their faith is deeply rooted.  So seminaries, cathedrals, churches, temples, mosques, and the pious people associated with them may not produce more love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness, patience, truth, justice, and hope because God's grace and truth is choked and strangled by greed, thirst for power, privilege, and pleasure.  There's been time enough for divine grace and truth to become mature but there's no fruitfulness.

          But Jesus teaches something else.  When (and only when) God's grace and truth is planted deep enough in us to become well-rooted and we cultivate it by exercising moral and spiritual discipline to control the constant temptations posed by materiality, pride, self-privilege, and will to dominate others, we become fruitful for God. 

          This is how Jesus concluded the Parable of the Sower at Matthew 13:23:  'But as for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.’

          Let's be clear about what God expects.  God expects love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness, patience, truth, justice, and hope from our living and in the world.  Imagine a world of loving, joyful, peace-making, generous, compassionate, forgiving, honest, fair, and hopeful people.  That's the kind of world God wants.  That's the kind of people God wants.  That's the kind of living God wants.  That's the kind of religion God wants. 

          And that's the kind of world, people, living, and religion God deserves.  That’s the fruit, produce, harvest, crop, profit, result, outcome, consequence, and output God deserves from people in whom divine grace and truth have been extravagantly planted, deeply rooted, protected from the choking influences of temptation, and grown to maturity.   Jesus flatly declares that this is what God will harvest from our living when divine grace is planted, deeply rooted, conscientiously cultivated, and matures in us.

          How much of that harvest God gets will vary according to the person and the situation of their living.  Some people will produce more love, joy, peace, gentleness, kindness, patience, truth, justice, and hope than others.  But there is an amazing paradox about the fruit of God's grace and truth.  Even a little fruit carries a lot of power. 

·        In a pitch dark room, even a flickering candle matters. 

·        In a dog-eat-dog world, unconditional love matters.

·        In a place where strangers are oppressed, extravagant hospitality matters.

·        In people who are burdened by shame and guilt, forgiveness and acceptance matter.

·        In a place where violence is rampant, peace-making and non-violent conflict resolution matter.

·        In a world where personal dignity and value is falsely associated with wealth, generosity that affirms the equal dignity and value of people who are poor matters.

·        In a confused and perplexed world, truth matters.

·        In a desperate world, hope matters.

·        In a downcast world, joy matters.

          Jesus says this is the harvest God deserves and expects from us, individually and in our various relationships.  God deserves this harvest in every aspect of our living.  The workplace should manufacture, distribute, and market it.  Religion should inspire and intensify it.  Government should protect and enforce it.  Families should nurture people in it.  Education should equip people with the skills to communicate, quantify, and regulate it.  Culture should celebrate and chronicle it.   

          Life's big questions don't involve how much money people make, how much stuff we own, and where we stuck it.  They aren't about our perks and pet indulgences.  No, God didn't create the world for that.

          God created a world for love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness, truth, justice, and hope.  That's what God deserves from the world, from religion, from government and from us. 

          So …

·         What am I producing that God wants? 

·         What are you producing that God wants? 

·         What are we producing that God wants (in this family, this workplace, school, congregation, other relationship, society, nation, world, etc.)? 

·         When are we producing it? 

·         How are we producing it? 

·         How much are we producing? 

·         How can we produce more?

·         Why don't we?

·         When will we?

          Creator, Strength, Deliverer, you have made your grace and truth extravagantly available to us.  It has taken root.  Teach us to cultivate our lives so your grace and truth isn't choked by our desires for pleasure, possessions, and power.  Guide us to be agents of your love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, truth, justice, and hope.  Then your world will be more loving, more joyful, and more peaceful.  Then your world will be more patient, kind, and gentle.  Then your truth will be shine where there is darkness.  Then your justice will protect and provide where there is deprivation and oppression.  Then your hope will reign where there is despair. 

          Then will come to pass what Jesus taught us to pray:  Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is heaven.  For the kingdom, and the power, and the glory belong to you, forever.  Amen. 

Grace and Peace to You!

Community

What does it mean to be a community?

Basically, a community means a society of individuals with shared rights, privileges, interests, and commitments.  Every community requires people.  And the people in the community must share a sense that their individuality is not an end to itself, but also involves ties to other individuals.

We are constantly struggling with the challenge of becoming part of a community.  It's so tempting to define life by individual attributes, values, preferences, privileges, and identities that often community doesn't happen. 

But we were created to live in community.  We were created for community with the rest of creation.  We've been placed in the world for community with other individuals.  We're not intended to define community by our sameness, but our "sharedness."  We're here to share the air, water, food, energy, wealth, power, and everything else with each other.  In other words, we're here to share life with each other as neighbors.

Jesus constantly worked to build community.  But he was often criticized for those efforts.  Some of his most bitter critics were religious traditionalists.  The critics shunned the inclusive idea of community Jesus taught and modeled.  He wasn't "conservative" enough.  He interacted with people the religious traditionalists considered "unclean."  Jesus hung around with poor, sick, disenfranchised, neglected, and shunned people.  And he said that how we treat those people is the defining statement of our character, and whether we desire community with God.

Do you think Jesus was right?  Or was he "too liberal" for you? 

Would that vision of community work in your circle of associates, your family, religious body, political group, or other associations?

And if the Jesus notion of community isn't your cup of tea, what's wrong with it?  What's bad about it?

Are you following the example of the religious traditionalists who criticized and shunned Jesus, or are you following the life of community that Jesus demonstrated and taught? 

Let's think about this.  Let's decide what community means.  Let's share our hopes and concerns about creating community.  Then let's build community, in every breath and heartbeat, together.

Grace and Peace to you.

Indianapolis

Please remember to pray for the people who've been affected by the stage rigging crash at the Indiana State Fair on last night.  The family members and friends of the people who died, who've been injured, who've worked as part of the rescue effort, and everyone else connected with the event are experiencing great pain today.  Let's remember them, lovingly, compassionately, and in the spirit of reverent tenderness.